Fiction: The Bunny Rabbit's Command

Once upon a time, a bunny rabbit was hit by a death ray. Or rather, it
WOULD have been a death ray for the bunny if the bunny had been from
Cylaxia IV.

The Science Council of the Kelanites (who are, of course, the mortal
enemies of the Cylaxians) had spent a great deal of time and money in
developing a death ray that would kill Cylaxians but not Kelanites. It
was no big deal to make antimatter projectors, neutron evaporators and
gamma-ray lasers. Both sides had those. King Ssondrl's great insight
was in getting his war scientists to build a weapon that only pointed
one way.

Empress wheeJaaNilop had the same idea, though, and the Imperial
Research Service had been put to work on a comparable task, although
naturally in the reversed sense. Both sides sought some key way to
distinguish their species on a molecular level. Although the
feathered, scaly Cylaxians looked very different from the chitinous,
multi-legged Kelanites, both had rather similar biochemistry, right
down to their DNA. It's funny how the universe works.

Eventually, though, since Cylaxians used molybdenum in their
inter-cellular ion pumps, while Kelanites used predominantely
chromium, both sides focussed their attention on this key difference,
which each side saw as a chink in the other's armor. Scientists being
even more universally similar than biochemistry, both sides took about
the same number of years to develop their weapons. It was pure
coincidence that both sides decided to field test their weapons in the
same skirmish.

In a dogfight that looped through the blackness, a Cylaxian scout ship
(offered as a lure) was targeted by a specially modifed Kelanite
fighter, which was then targeted by a specially modified Cylaxian
fighter right behind. Twin death rays lashed out, parallel and
overlapping, stabbing out into the vast reaches of space.

Nine years later, the beams crossed the icy wastes out at the
threshold of solar space. Fourteen hours later, they narrowly missed
the moon. Two and a half seconds later, they hit the bunny rabbit,
first the Kelanite beam (deadly to Cylaxians), then the Cylaxian beam
(deadly to Kelanites).

Bathed in invisible energies, the bunny rabbit stopped chewing the
moutful of clover it had been working on. For long minutes, it sat in
the sunshine as its biochemistry rearranged itself. A hawk, circling
up above, saw the bunny and prepared to swoop down for a meal.

The bunny rabbit saw the flicker of shadow from the hawk's wing, and
issued his first mental command to the first of his soldiers. The hawk
instantly wheeled away to do his master's bidding.

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  1. Just frackin' hilarious, Tony! And somehow the flavor of this tale is enhanced by knowing you were waiting for church to start.

  2. Service was starting, so I didn't have time to describe how the bunny rabbit marshaled the vertebrates of Earth under one banner and conquered the galaxy, establishing a dynasty that lasted longer than some of the stars that were under its sway.

  3. Huh. So you write about a transformed bunny who conquers the universe with his army at church. Is this the untold story of the Easter bunny?

  4. As a biochemist I approve of this story.

  5. At least you weren't composing *during* church. I've been tempted to do that a few times. All Hail our Carrot-Chewing Overlord!


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