#FridayFlash: Cusp


by Tony Noland

He stood up, heart thudding and sweat running down from his pits as, pretending to be cool but knowing that his brother knew he wasn't, and with a half-wave of a hand that was much steadier than he might have imagined it would be, he indicated the one he wanted, the one second from the left, a redhead in tight yellow shorts.

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  1. That's great. So I'm free to choose the one in the plaid skirt?

  2. hunh? is this the bachelor, season 12? peace...

  3. Now that is a damn satisfying sentence sir x

  4. Donald: If you paid the price of admission, she's all yours.

    Linda: What is this "bachelor" of which you speak?

    FARfetched: Mmmm, yellow shorts...

    Emma: You would not *believe* how long it took me to write, re-write and re-re-write it.

  5. I must not be dirty enough. I thought they were picking line-ups for dodgeball.

  6. Suddenly thinking of the Pirates of the Carribean ride. There was a part with a Wench Auction. A chorus of pirates were shouting,

  7. Damn, what a long sentence. Yellow shorts huh? Wonder why it would make him nervous?

  8. Very succint and neat storytelling. Says everything you need to know about horny boys...

  9. Red rover, red rover, we -- oh, wait. John says dodgeball? Now I'm confused.

  10. He picked what he wanted, didn't she have a choice?

  11. Pender: Or Vegas, or New Orleans, or London, or Molie, or Norriton, NJ, or just about anywhere in the world.

    John: Er... no.

    Monica: Arrrh!

    storytreasury: Wonder why it would make him nervous? Excellent question. Maybe going back and re-reading it would give a clue?

    Raven Corinn Carluk: Short and to the point. Yep.

    Virginia Moffatt: *Almost* everything.

    Tim VanSant: Definitely NOT dodgeball.

    Helen: He picked what he wanted, didn't she have a choice? Sorry, no. That's the nature of being a prostitute: you do what you're told, go with who picks you.

  12. In his position, if my eyes clap themselves on a redhead, I wouldn't be as prolix as your main character...

    nice idea, tautly executed

  13. 'That's the nature of being a prostitute: you do what you're told, go with who picks you.'

    Duh I'm slow at times Tony aren't I ^__^

  14. This totally made me think of Hostel: Part Two.

  15. I like the brevity to this piece, gives the reader a chance to create the rest of the story. I'm voting on Best Little Whorehouse in Texas senario.

  16. Haha I love small flashes like this - the reader can be left making up their own story, or just the ending or going around and around in circles trying to work out what is going on, only to re-read the story again and begin the process in a completely different direction - brilliant

  17. Sulci Collective: Ah, but my main character said nothing at all, merely indicated with a wave of his hand which one he wanted.

    Helen: Duh I'm slow at times Tony aren't I It was intended to be a bit mysterious. ;-)

    Icy: I never saw the Hostel movies. Explain?

    laradunning: Brevity was exactly what I was gunning for here. One sentence to tell an entire story. I'm glad you liked it!

    brainhaze: Thanks! The nice thing is that re-reading this story two or three times can be accomplished in a minute or two. 8-)


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