11 Tweets You Should Never Send

Granted, I'm not in the business of telling you what you can and can't do on twitter. I'm just going to tell you what you shouldn't do on twitter. Here are 11 Tweets You Should Never Send:
  1. I have over 157 followers. Why aren't any of you bying my book?  I bought your's!
  2. God, why am I so lonely? I'm totally like the smartest, most well-informed person you'll ever meet.
  3. But what both sides in this argument fail to realize is that there is a logical solution staring them right in their fucking faces. (34/122)
  4. What I love about cross-posting tweets from Facebook is that it's so simple! You just set up th... fb.gys/htrp
  5. Hey, can anybody give me some legal advice about some homeowner/neighbor stuff? Pls RT.
  6. @scalzi Can I do a guest post on Whatever? About self-publishing?
  7. I've met dozens of agents and they are all self-serving asshats who just wish they could write a book. #losers
  8. I'm gonna give it just one more week, but if there's still blood in my semen, I'm going to the clinic.
  9. Jesus, Yahweh  and the Flying Spaghetti Monster walk into a barn. The bartender says, "Hey, why the wrong place?"
  10.  That was the last straw, @TonyNoland. Unfollow. #unfollow
  11. "The quality of mercy is not strained, but droppeth as the dew from heaven." - Albert Einstein

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  1. Brilliant, Sir! I'm sure most authors have at least thought about sending #1. #6 and #10 got me to laugh out loud, as did #3 after a second reading and realizing what the (34/122) meant (I'm a bit slow sometimes).

    1. I've seen people go on and on and on in a string of tweets, one drawn out presentation of thought and argument. I desperately wanted to tell them to just write a damned blog post and be done with it.

  2. I am now SO TEMPTED to tweet #9. This is the last straw, Tony!

    1. Bad jokes don't help your follower numbers. Trust me.

  3. Ha! You'd better not ask why people aren't 'bying' your book! :)


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