Called the surgeon's office & tried to schedule an exam in preparation for some surgery to get this hernia sewn up. Turns out they do their scheduling from 9:00 - 11:30, so will have to call back tomorrow morning. Not happy about that.
I'll just note that this is moving from "rather uncomfortable" to "a bit painful" more quickly than I'd hoped. Based on previous life experiences, I recall the next stop on the I Need Abdominal Surgery Express as "ouch", followed by "holy fuck this hurts".
Serenity is what's needed here.