Comments on Landless: #FridayFlash: The Way of All Flesh

Dan & Peggy: Thanks for reading, and fo...

2009-12-16T16:28:58.134-05:00

Dan & Peggy: Thanks for reading, and for the great comments! I realize this one is kind of harsh, but I'm glad the pacing and buildup of tension worked the way it was supposed to. That's lousy for a love story, but good technique for horror!

I just wanted to sleep like that... how could anyo...

2009-12-15T22:55:21.462-05:00

I just wanted to sleep like that... how could anyone who slept that well do the unthinkable?!

I, too was cringing and hoping it wouldn't go there... but it did. And the snake fangs in the freudian snake... you are a twisted man.

That's wrong on so many levels. Great read tho...

2009-12-14T09:42:30.133-05:00

That's wrong on so many levels. Great read though, had me squirming and cringing to order. Well paced and damned nasty at the end there.

Laurita: Don't ask, don't tell.
2009-12-13T12:47:32.804-05:00
Laurita: Don't ask, don't tell.

Anasazistories: I knew going into it that the detail there wouldn't work, but decided to let it go. I'll admit, I hoped no one would notice, but you all are sharper than that, obviously.

It's plausible for someone to have a pair of barber's shears in the bathroom, for trimming bangs & such. Nobody has straight razors anymore, and to have a pair of garden shears secreted in there would indicated far more premeditation than I wanted to convey. I thought about having her go to the kitchen, for a pair of bone shears, but that's kind of an obscure cooking device. I'll try to think up some way out of this corner... that's what revisions are for, I suppose.

Dana: I realize this isn't everyone's delight; I'm not sure I care for it much, to be honest. I just wanted to see if I could do something along these lines. Actually, I was thinking of a comment you made on your blog last week: "I am thinking that I need to start writing some more serious stories. Or at least less silly/ridiculous ones. I don't want to get branded as the class clown for Friday Flash". I don't know if I have a branding of any kind, since I tend to use FridayFlash as a way to try out new things. This little bit of bloodiness is the antithesis of funny. Maybe next week, I should go for something sweet and touching? It will be the last #FridayFlash before Christmas time, after all....

raises hand I'm with the cringing, crossing ...

2009-12-13T11:52:25.266-05:00

*raises hand* I'm with the cringing, crossing legs crowd.

Not my usual cup of tea, but your execution was fantastic.

And SHE gets "snakebit" in the end? Very...

2009-12-12T13:51:17.373-05:00

And SHE gets "snakebit" in the end? Very interesting last little line there. There's more to that man's whanker than meets the ... well, I'd better not say.

What was it you said in your defense of flash fiction? You write it to readers feel? Well, you whacked me in my gonads with this one, mister. I felt it. More than I wanted to.

Constructive bit of criticism: My grandfather was a barber, and his barber shears weren't big enough to cut off something of the size you describe. Maybe a fellow with a pencil-sized you-know-what. But not this summer-sausage dude. That'd take garden shears.

Excellent build up and a very interesting twist at...

2009-12-12T12:44:34.327-05:00

Excellent build up and a very interesting twist at the end. I don't even want to think about how you came up with this one.

Chris: having it grow back would be terrifi...

2009-12-12T12:06:58.965-05:00

Chris: having it grow back would be terrific! Look for the sequel, summer of 2012!

Thanks, Eric & Marisa!

Hmmm.

"He slept in the nude, as he always did."

I think you're right, Susan. That line could be tuned up some.

"As always, he slept in the nude."

-or-

"He was naked. He was always naked in bed."

I'll have to think about it.

All I can say is that was pretty twisted on every ...

2009-12-12T11:29:30.152-05:00

All I can say is that was pretty twisted on every level. So good job! It was a great read.

Do tell, Tony, how do you sleep at night? If I wer...

2009-12-11T21:40:28.405-05:00

Do tell, Tony, how do you sleep at night? If I were you, I'd wear pajamas in the future. Now, constructive criticism..."He slept in the nude, as he always did." That sentence seems redundant to me. Uh oh. I don't want someone with your imagination to get mad at me! I loved it all, even that sentence. Really.

Well now he doesn't have to worry about the fi...

2009-12-11T18:55:49.785-05:00

Well now he doesn't have to worry about the fit of his trousers, right? That's something.

You've done it well, this horror genre!

Do the fanged ones grow back like salamander tails...

2009-12-11T16:59:01.229-05:00

Do the fanged ones grow back like salamander tails? Never mind, I don't want to know.
This was creative and what an ending. Yowza!

First I cringed, but when the teeth showed up I de...

2009-12-11T16:40:01.649-05:00

First I cringed, but when the teeth showed up I decided he must have deserved it for being some kind of weird alien thing.
The inside of your imagination is...different, Tony. Well done. :)

Yowza..biting..sorry couldn't resist!

2009-12-11T15:53:10.171-05:00

Yowza..biting..sorry couldn't resist!

SLAM! I thought the Bobbit moment was approaching...

2009-12-11T15:24:55.959-05:00

SLAM! I thought the Bobbit moment was approaching. Nice twist at the ending! Bravo!

Definitely a change of pace for you, Tony - well d...

2009-12-11T15:19:50.442-05:00

Definitely a change of pace for you, Tony - well done

I'm giggling at Mazz's comment! Tony this...

2009-12-11T14:30:46.926-05:00

I'm giggling at Mazz's comment!

Tony this is so evil, you! I don't know if I should ahhh or eeek!

I can always expect to be entertained by you. This is no exception.

Sorry, David. Maybe go take a nap until you...

2009-12-11T13:50:09.547-05:00

Sorry, David. Maybe go take a nap until you feel better. Lock the door.

Actually, Liv and Amy, when I began to write this, I expected that she wouldn't do it. The tension built and built and then, when it came time for me to deploy the plot twist I had in mind, to swerve away from the oncoming cement truck ... I plowed straight ahead instead and let the car wreck unfold in all its bloody glory, just to see what would happen.

I'm not sick in the head; I'm a writer.

I'm with liv and Jim on this... I'm feelin...

2009-12-11T13:00:32.198-05:00

I'm with liv and Jim on this... I'm feeling sick now.

Scary and gross. Had me hooked throughout.

Lorena? Is that you? No, seriously ... I kept t...

2009-12-11T12:43:33.658-05:00

Lorena? Is that you?

No, seriously ... I kept thinking there was no way you'd allow such a travesty but you went ahead and allowed it, only to double back and get the girl in the end. It was a double shocker. Very good, but Tony, I'm a little worried about you.

Thanks for the great comments! OK, let's see.....

2009-12-11T11:03:59.469-05:00

Thanks for the great comments! OK, let's see...

Four men, all cringing and anticipating nightmares.

Four women, three also cringing and one relishing the fanged revenge for the mutilation.

Yep, I'd say it's a horror story all right.

8-)

O.O OH MY GOODNESS. I could SEE this action and ac...

2009-12-11T10:26:48.701-05:00

O.O OH MY GOODNESS. I could SEE this action and actually cringed. And I'm a GIRL. O.O

Chance sits at his desk, sipping a luke warm cu...

2009-12-11T10:03:22.477-05:00
Chance sits at his desk, sipping a luke warm cup of tea. he clicks on the link to Tony Nolands story. He then begins to read through the story GROSS he shouts before picking up his laptop and hiding it under the desk, hoping the story will go away.

THOUGHT I knew where you were going with this by t...

2009-12-11T09:51:32.803-05:00
THOUGHT I knew where you were going with this by the second paragraph. Glad he got her back with that fanged head of his. Whew! Excellent story. Peace, Linda

nightmares, dude.... nightmares...

2009-12-11T09:03:47.292-05:00
nightmares, dude.... nightmares...

Comments on Landless: #FridayFlash: The Way of All Flesh

Dan & Peggy: Thanks for reading, and fo...

I just wanted to sleep like that... how could anyo...

That's wrong on so many levels. Great read tho...

*raises hand* I'm with the cringing, crossing ...

And SHE gets "snakebit" in the end? Very...

Excellent build up and a very interesting twist at...

Chris: having it grow back would be terrifi...

All I can say is that was pretty twisted on every ...

Do tell, Tony, how do you sleep at night? If I wer...

Well now he doesn't have to worry about the fi...

Do the fanged ones grow back like salamander tails...

First I cringed, but when the teeth showed up I de...

Yowza..biting..sorry couldn't resist!

SLAM! I thought the Bobbit moment was approaching...

Definitely a change of pace for you, Tony - well d...

I'm giggling at Mazz's comment! Tony this...

Sorry, David. Maybe go take a nap until you...

I'm with liv and Jim on this... I'm feelin...

Lorena? Is that you? No, seriously ... I kept t...

Thanks for the great comments! OK, let's see.....

O.O OH MY GOODNESS. I could SEE this action and ac...

Chance sits at his desk, sipping a luke warm cu...

THOUGHT I knew where you were going with this by t...

nightmares, dude.... nightmares...

raises hand I'm with the cringing, crossing ...