Comments on Landless: #FridayFlash: Truth Lies Beneath

Yes.. there is definitely enough you of you in you...

2010-06-12T08:21:35.536-04:00

Yes.. there is definitely enough you of you in your Annie alter ego to immediately THINK of you.

have you been spying on me? Jodi insisted I come ...

2010-02-22T22:18:18.924-05:00

have you been spying on me?

Jodi insisted I come and read this as this is the experience she gains when coming to the movies with me.. I snort in defiance... I am NOT like that.. am I???

Lou & Clive: Thanks! Dialogue and layer...

2010-02-22T06:23:33.951-05:00

Lou & Clive: Thanks! Dialogue and layered complexity are some of my favorite things to write - when I can convince myself to use a light touch.

No worries, Marc. When "self-reflexive" was used in a few earlier comments, I felt that it wasn't quite on target for this piece. ever open to the possibility that I might be too close to my own work to see what I'm doing, I went and looked the term up, so as to confirm.

Writers writing about writers writing is a cliche. I didn't want to do that here, even in a story that avoids obvious recursive self-reference. However, people love books. They get attached to certain books that they read at certain times in their lives, even when the book itself may not be (objectively speaking) a well-written book.

It's commonplace for a reader to find a book they love, then go get other books by the same author. Sometimes this leads to a full-on love affair with an author, sometimes it leads to disappointment.

It seems a shame that such a rich vein of human experience should be dangerous ground for writers to tread.

Very good, a layered story about a book with layer...

2010-02-21T16:52:49.005-05:00

Very good, a layered story about a book with layers. I look forward to the next installment.

I agree with those who don't think stories nee...

2010-02-21T15:33:30.041-05:00

I agree with those who don't think stories need a 'twist'. I agree with the people who like Annie. And I agree with everyone about the dialogue being really good. Seems like authentic and natural banter between a couple, and it carries the whole thing from start to finish.

Didn't mean to put a label on you! I feel the ...

2010-02-21T15:25:47.543-05:00

Didn't mean to put a label on you! I feel the way you do, the category doesn't matter.

You're right, the story isn't about itself. I carelessly through the 'self-reflexive' into the list. You may strike it out, if you please.

Thanks for your comment, Mark. I'm glad...

2010-02-21T15:14:35.583-05:00

Thanks for your comment, Mark. I'm glad you liked it.

I guess I didn't realize I was being post-modern here; it's a story about writing, but it's not a story about itself. Writing about writing can get cutesy. This is especially true if the protag is a dashing, handsome, clever and witty writer, or if it's just shop talk dressed up as a narrative. I hope I haven't done that here.

The truth is, there is a larger plot, and this scene is taken from it. The book "Blood Picnic" isn't quite a MacGuffin within that plot, but it's a character-driven story, not an object-driven one.

For the record, Annie and Marcus are a bit full of themselves in how they regard genre writing vs. "real" writing. That doesn't necessarily reflect my own opinions of genre work vs. litfic. I've written sci-fi, horror, fantasy, mystery, etc. As long as the characters feel real, that's what I care about.

First, I like it a lot. Second, I think girls like...

2010-02-21T14:22:20.756-05:00

First, I like it a lot. Second, I think girls like Annie are very attractive.

The comments are interesting. This is a so-called post-modern story (a story about stories, self-reflexive, different genres commenting back and forth, etc). Some readers just don't like stories like this, they think they're gimmicky or "try" to be clever or are somehow flat because they are words about words. But I love stories like this. They operate on many levels, and you've done a good job with this one.

When I was just a tad bit younger, I thought I was so smart because I had read Kafka and other heavies. Over lunch one day some artist friends pounced on me because I dismissed the science fiction genre out of hand as fluff. They told me I was an arrogant elitist. They were right.

After reading all the comments, I have to say that...

2010-02-20T19:02:56.375-05:00

After reading all the comments, I have to say that I'm tempted to write this up as the opening for something longer.

Hey, Tim, I don't know if the original "Blood Picnic" was any good or not. I haven't written the damned thing yet! 8-)

A man who is unsure whether he loves his stepdaugh...

2010-02-20T18:51:11.302-05:00

A man who is unsure whether he loves his stepdaughter and mixes that uncertainty with guilt over an accident he did not cause and that drives him crazy and into a homicidal rage.... Are you SURE the book was better than the movie?

Good job with the dialog here though.

The discussion and dialogue work fine. This needs ...

2010-02-20T09:09:34.174-05:00

The discussion and dialogue work fine. This needs to be so much larger than flash though. It's good.

I agree with Carrie, your dialogue is great. Th...

2010-02-20T08:37:17.631-05:00

I agree with Carrie, your dialogue is great.
There is no rule that dictates flash needs a twist ending. In fact some of my favorites of all time have no twist. This is a complex piece that I very much enjoyed.

Tony, great piece of all dialogue. I agree with th...

2010-02-20T08:24:59.179-05:00

Tony, great piece of all dialogue. I agree with the others - this is very realistic dialogue and the conversation does illustrate their different levels of intelligence. Very clever and well-written.

Thanks, Carrie! My dialogue used to drag an...

2010-02-20T07:52:43.290-05:00

Thanks, Carrie! My dialogue used to drag and drag, some of my worst writing. It is HUGELY encouraging to hear that it's hitting the mark, or even (as with Lily's comment, making someone annoying).

Jodi: I've not read the original short story by King, but it's funny how some film franchises take on a life of their own utterly outside of the originating book. "Jaws" was a moderately tedious book, all about infidelity and the pain of marrying outside of one's own social class; the shark wasn't much more than a clumsy metaphor for the brutality of nature. Yet for the movie, all of that was tossed out to make a scary thriller that led to four sequels.

You never can tell.

Jeez Tony, you are a WHIZ at dialogue. So nice and...

2010-02-19T21:46:32.821-05:00

Jeez Tony, you are a WHIZ at dialogue. So nice and natural, like I'm standing right there. Also, you make me laugh. A lot. For the right reasons.

This had an extra layer for me... this reminds me ...

2010-02-19T21:44:39.605-05:00

This had an extra layer for me... this reminds me of a night out with Annie Evett after a movie or a play... so it made me sort of giggle when I read the name and started to read the dialogue.

And it reminds me of King too - Children of the Corn which was a fantastic short story made into six movies.

Then there's Nudist Colony of the Dead - which was just plain wrong (a zombie flasher flick with singing!) and not based on anything sensible at all.

I think it is a pertinent reflection on what becomes of books in films and the dialogue is realistic.. and what becomes of writers who get caught in the genre trap.

Granted - no interesting twist at the end, but it doesn't always have to be about the twist.

There's one tiny typo right at the end with the word 'encouraging'

I thought this was very clever, the first sentence...

2010-02-19T18:58:40.994-05:00

I thought this was very clever, the first sentence in particular.

Ah, nerd chatter. I know and live it well.

2010-02-19T16:25:15.877-05:00

Ah, nerd chatter. I know and live it well.

I'm glad you guys liked the layered nature of ...

2010-02-19T14:14:53.425-05:00

I'm glad you guys liked the layered nature of the story as well as the dialogue. Keeping a conversation snapping along is something I'm working on.

Linda, Marisa, etc.: Not autobiographcal, guys, sorry. I'm not 400 years old, and if I had a best seller that was made into a profitable Hollywood franchise, believe me, I'd be shouting it from the rooftops.

Lily: Umm... what's wrong with how Annie talks? Too M.F.A? She wears glasses, after all. 8-)

Seriously, though, I was trying to convey that these two people have different levels of education and (perhaps) intelligence.

Maria: Running Man was great, but the hero dies at the end when he crashes the plane into the building. In the larger sense, that won't change anything. Downer, so they made Arnie save the world instead. Pity.

D. Paul: This is a departure from the kind of thing I usually do. I experiment a lot - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Keep checking back, though.

I really enjoyed this, as well as Nom de Plume. I&...

2010-02-19T12:52:41.067-05:00

I really enjoyed this, as well as Nom de Plume. I'm with Olivia -- I'd love to see a continuing series or otherwise longer version. Really interesting stuff!

I'm never sure how I feel about stories talkin...

2010-02-19T12:49:44.751-05:00

I'm never sure how I feel about stories talking about writing stories. But it is such a part of our lives that it is a worthy subject to explore.

The dialogue, with its teasing and questions underneath the questions was executed beautifully. I felt like I was eavesdropping on a real conversation between a couple that still held back but wanted to cross over into the reveals.

I'll be honest, this flash did not do much for...

2010-02-19T12:01:02.984-05:00

I'll be honest, this flash did not do much for me. It is, essentially, two people talking about a book.

That's fine as a scene from a larger work, and great of Nom de Plume is going to be serialized, but it lacks any drama or conflict for a self contained flash.

Part of it too is what I've come to expect from your works. So many times a story like this will have a twist at the end that shows the whole thing was a setup. This just didn't have that.
I do love the overall story idea, and hope you consider it as a novel.

Billy Divine rides again! Reading of this story,...

2010-02-19T09:43:51.627-05:00

Billy Divine rides again!

Reading of this story, I can see Nom de Plume turning into a series or a longer work. There's are many elements here and it could easily have become TOO many elements, but you didn't allow that. It's very controlled and concise, but it also sounds like real conversation. ~ Olivia

Great flow in their argument (well, discussion!). ...

2010-02-19T09:05:53.898-05:00

Great flow in their argument (well, discussion!).

And this has reminded me:
When is someone going to remake the Running Man to be true to King's novella?? Do they not realise it would make an EXCELLENT film even without Arnie?!

Liked the sequel. Great job on dropping the backst...

2010-02-18T21:39:33.769-05:00

Liked the sequel. Great job on dropping the backstory. So, is this autobiographical ;^)