tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post4833608879370935086..comments2024-03-08T15:14:31.312-05:00Comments on Landless: #FridayFlash: Friday Flash, Flash, FlashTony Nolandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15090583562737225942noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-61585259112264529272010-06-22T13:21:36.533-04:002010-06-22T13:21:36.533-04:00This is beautifully constructed in every way. It&#...This is beautifully constructed in every way. It's interesting how different readers take different things away ("sheesh, men", "cautionary tale for girls"). It seems to me they'd better both be careful - those little flashes aren't so harmless.Mark Kerstetterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13307987573435067415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-48623252306845056842010-06-20T20:27:12.463-04:002010-06-20T20:27:12.463-04:00Great story! You captured the way the world really...Great story! You captured the way the world really works. So many people say only what we want to hear, not what they're really thinking.Melissa L. Webbhttp://www.melissalwebb.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-28097391491990419522010-06-19T11:57:42.832-04:002010-06-19T11:57:42.832-04:00I liked how wide it seemed and how the story taper...I liked how wide it seemed and how the story tapered to a small point. Big lights to tiny fireflies; big dreams to the moment.pegjethttp://pegjet.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-43315072510872589172010-06-19T10:42:46.268-04:002010-06-19T10:42:46.268-04:00Great story! The characters feel very real, especi...Great story! The characters feel very real, especially Thomas thoughts in contrast to his words and actions.Marihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07303695124956391293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-5677818655347824932010-06-18T20:56:20.591-04:002010-06-18T20:56:20.591-04:00This is basically awesome in every possible way. V...This is basically awesome in every possible way. Very excellent. I'm deeply jealous of the way your mind makes these connections. You must treat your muse very well. ;-)Valeriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14148970927473800732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-49422352840635352232010-06-18T15:40:20.762-04:002010-06-18T15:40:20.762-04:00I love the dialog, too, but I also think there'...I love the dialog, too, but I also think there's potentially a sting in the tail. Thomas' half-recollection of signals that are a prelude to being devoured could yet come back and bite him - I have a strong suspicion Mary Jean's going to be telling him quite shortly that she's pregnant...Aislinn O'Connorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10016307238982902244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-75995882243213883872010-06-18T15:36:19.118-04:002010-06-18T15:36:19.118-04:00Nice job, Tony. Thanks for the laugh. I love the t...Nice job, Tony. Thanks for the laugh. I love the thoughts blended with the dialogue.Danielle La Pagliahttp://daniellelapaglia.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-8386078464080690342010-06-18T15:26:16.492-04:002010-06-18T15:26:16.492-04:00I'm glad you all liked it! Right from the star...I'm glad you all liked it! Right from the start, <b>Deanna</b>, I knew the contrast between his inner monologue and his spoken words would carry most of the dramatic content.<br /><br />He's a little bastard, isn't he?Tony Nolandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15090583562737225942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-31883872940288963632010-06-18T14:37:25.223-04:002010-06-18T14:37:25.223-04:00The dialogue is good, the scene is well painted. I...The dialogue is good, the scene is well painted. I remember girls like Mary Jean, though it's been many years. . .Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08236529774839136879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-22373152562678341592010-06-18T14:04:48.708-04:002010-06-18T14:04:48.708-04:00Tony, you shouldn't be surprised about the dia...Tony, you shouldn't be surprised about the dialogue. It's rings, man ... Great flash.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11413377601369107260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-1283443330435988402010-06-18T13:16:10.450-04:002010-06-18T13:16:10.450-04:00One of your best Tony, and I too think the dilogue...One of your best Tony, and I too think the dilogue is quite strong, but especially the inner monologue. Without that I don't think this would have held the punch it does. Great work.Deanna Schrayerhttp://theothersideofdeanna.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-80219960325506199592010-06-18T11:27:53.681-04:002010-06-18T11:27:53.681-04:00I liked this a lot. It's weird that I think th...I liked this a lot. It's weird that I think this is a good cautionary tale for girls. Dumb teenagers (heh). <br />Well done, Master.Monica Marierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03112762564137354581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-2051708674218941452010-06-18T10:29:55.388-04:002010-06-18T10:29:55.388-04:00poor stupid girl indeed!
The inner monologue work...poor stupid girl indeed!<br /><br />The inner monologue works really well. Thomas is SO over that town already. The college girls had better watch out...mazzz in Leedshttp://mazzz-in-leeds.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-66631648521712859422010-06-18T10:17:49.496-04:002010-06-18T10:17:49.496-04:00Thanks, guys! Coming back to the dialogue, I was a...Thanks, guys! Coming back to the dialogue, I was a little concerned when writing this, as I don't typically use dialect cues in my dialogue. I prefer to let the vocabulary convey the voice.<br /><br />I went outside of that here, with a little experiment in three voices: her's, his spoken and his internal. As you can see, the level of honest cornpone decreases, while the snarky nastiness increases.<br /><br />I tried a similar range of voices in <a href="http://www.tonynoland.com/2010/03/fridayflash-this-little-light-of-mine.html" rel="nofollow">"This Little Light of Mine"</a>. The reaction to the dialogue there and here has given me something to think about.Tony Nolandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15090583562737225942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-54845607710893409172010-06-18T09:55:25.674-04:002010-06-18T09:55:25.674-04:00HA! Well done. I liked the dialogue in the story...HA! Well done. I liked the dialogue in the story - kept it moving.<br /><br />JimJim Bronyaurhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17634054657700089093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-45080360242188080082010-06-18T09:01:46.099-04:002010-06-18T09:01:46.099-04:00Sheesh, men, eh?
Nice flash sir. Poor, stupid gir...Sheesh, men, eh?<br /><br />Nice flash sir. Poor, stupid girl :) I liked how his disdain was conveyed by the thoughts he didn't speak.Emma Newmanhttp://www.enewman.co.uknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-15267846613130318572010-06-18T07:53:48.367-04:002010-06-18T07:53:48.367-04:00Wonderful synchronicity between the imagery and th...Wonderful synchronicity between the imagery and the dialogue. The dialogue feels so natural and fluent. It's amazing how deep a pair of characters can be perceived in a brevity of words.<br />Adam BAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-29151976135608166392010-06-18T07:32:07.321-04:002010-06-18T07:32:07.321-04:00Beautiful and sad at the same time.Beautiful and sad at the same time.Diandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14570498251611083259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-18718225517830247122010-06-18T06:25:21.642-04:002010-06-18T06:25:21.642-04:00Hi Tony,
Yes it was weird we both chose the '...Hi Tony,<br /><br />Yes it was weird we both chose the 'Flash' theme this week and someone's leaving town! Its brilliant to see how the different styles address a similar theme. I love your fine detailed description. The first paragraph had me hooked, the characters were very much alive and the firefly motif was strong and fun. Really enjoyed.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-66719537285313974092010-06-18T06:12:18.959-04:002010-06-18T06:12:18.959-04:00Thanks for reading, everyone! I think Thomas could...Thanks for reading, everyone! I think Thomas could work all his life, <b>John</b>, and wipe away almost all traces of Tommy. Almost all.<br /><br />I'm a bit surprised that the dialogue is what seems to be catching people's ear. I didn't think too much about that part, actually. Interesting.Tony Nolandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15090583562737225942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-82833140342559659212010-06-18T04:04:05.231-04:002010-06-18T04:04:05.231-04:00The fireflies is a great image. The voices were ve...The fireflies is a great image. The voices were very strong and authentic in this, great job.<br /><br />my word verification is patinglo (!)<br /><br />marc nashSulci Collectivehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03293833259808943096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-77733765759312535572010-06-17T23:29:49.939-04:002010-06-17T23:29:49.939-04:00One more week and he's out of this town. I won...One more week and he's out of this town. I wonder how long it'll be before the town is out of him. Some people try real hard, like intellectual fireflies...John Wiswellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07416044628686736927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-33507422778898054512010-06-17T21:34:25.943-04:002010-06-17T21:34:25.943-04:00I think you captured it. Watched "Last Pictur...I think you captured it. Watched "Last Picture Show" the other night. This girl reminds me of Jacie.Susan Crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05076064230626935030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-3090316339502369102010-06-17T21:12:21.662-04:002010-06-17T21:12:21.662-04:00Loved the Inner monologue in this one. What a pair...Loved the Inner monologue in this one. What a pair. Peace...Lindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01110078016784294934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7797188666559531190.post-36606049616313006072010-06-17T20:21:28.944-04:002010-06-17T20:21:28.944-04:00Awesome job on the voice in this one.Awesome job on the voice in this one.Danahttp://pixelenvy.ca/cgi/fff.cginoreply@blogger.com