Comments on Landless: A Bad Poem, Dissected

@paige Thanks! Heh, maybe my next poem will go fro...

2009-07-25T09:01:38.099-04:00

@paige Thanks! Heh, maybe my next poem will go from throwing cherry pits to holding tightly onto peaches:

"Grip with the fist and CLING! peaches
a drip on the lip from the squeezes on the beaches ..."

Well, maybe not.

great break down and like danni I loved the same l...

2009-07-24T22:09:42.356-04:00

great break down and like danni I loved the same lines. You should keep them

@danni This poem always makes me think of a little...

2009-07-24T13:58:56.005-04:00

@danni This poem always makes me think of a little kid with a purple marker. Soon, everything is covered in purple!

I'm glad you liked that bit. There are some glimmers and flashes here which I still sort of like, but I think that turning this into a reasonable piece is beyond my powers as a poet.

As a poem, it stinks. As a teaching tool, it's not bad.

You made me smile. I think you're right, somet...

2009-07-24T12:41:31.642-04:00

You made me smile. I think you're right, sometimes we just play too much, go a bit too far, having a great time with the tools. ;-)

Still, I loved these lines:

Arc through the air and BING! cherry
pits in the pots on the steps

Fun play on "Bing!" You could think of this as a first draft. I definitely think lovely summer cherries are worthy of a poem. I like the idea of a bowl between the legs and the spitting of the pitts.

danni (visiting via twitter)