Comments on Landless: #FridayFlash: 4:45

What an amazing piece of writing. I could have swo...

2010-11-28T06:56:45.937-05:00

What an amazing piece of writing. I could have sworn a woman had written it if I wasn't actually on your website looking for flash to read!

That ending was so out of the blue it knocked me sideways.

I think you got the mind set of a brought up relig...

2009-12-04T18:25:52.007-05:00

I think you got the mind set of a brought up religously and still trying to be good but has a high sex drive teenage girl down pat.

It made me sad, unutterably sad this piece - I liked it - thanks for sharing.

The Writer said: Could swear you were fe...

2009-10-18T13:56:27.833-04:00
The Writer said: Could swear you were female inside somewhere Tony.

That's a serious vote in favor of the authenticity of the writing - thanks!

For the record, I'm 100% male. I'm as Y-chromosome as a guy can be - so completely secure in my masculinity, in fact, that I'm comfortable recognizing the feminine aspects of my personality. How's that for a contradiction?

A week late, but I am so glad I didn't miss it...

2009-10-17T18:00:51.720-04:00
A week late, but I am so glad I didn't miss it! Wonderful twist at the end, and a great exposition of her thoughts and feelings, and the search for a loophole!

I saw a question about why was he studying Calculus, and also I seem to recall that he was wearing jeans, too. So I am assuming he is a fairly humanoid robot...

Great building of tension and *ahem* climax. Fant...

2009-10-15T18:44:01.267-04:00
Great building of tension and *ahem* climax. Fantastic ending.

I'd say the risk was worth it. Great job of bu...

2009-10-12T11:21:30.532-04:00
I'd say the risk was worth it. Great job of building tension through detail. The sc-fi reference blindside was awesome. A little Literatus interruptus

Holy Crap! What an awesome ending... out of nowher...

2009-10-11T20:05:41.394-04:00
Holy Crap! What an awesome ending... out of nowhere!

~2

Well, now. That was unexpected, the end of the pie...

2009-10-11T17:21:45.966-04:00
Well, now. That was unexpected, the end of the piece, I mean. Nicely done.

Some things will never change.

The hugging got me. I remember when I was still a ...

2009-10-11T09:40:18.518-04:00
The hugging got me. I remember when I was still a virgin, how very much I liked the feel of a boy's body against mine. I see they did too.

Could swear you were female inside somewhere Tony.

Jon: Great! I'm glad the story and the ...

2009-10-11T09:04:44.705-04:00
Jon: Great! I'm glad the story and the surprise worked for you. Your question is an interesting take on it. Does he know his own nature? If not, why not? If so, why is he doing what he's doing?

Does she know who and what he is? If so, why is she so accepting of it? If not, is is because he was so good at hiding it, or is she being willfully blind to a major drawback to a guy she's attracted to? It wouldn't be the first time a girl fell for a guy with issues.

I'm feeling reluctant to plop down an authorial "this is what the piece means, this is what they knew, these are the motivations", since there may be (and apparently are) more interpretations than the one I intended. Every piece needs to leave the nest and be supported by the strength of its own wings (or fall and die, as the case may be - see last week's FridayFlash).

So, I'll go back to the Great Books approach... what does the text say? Are there indications in how the characters interact, the setting, etc., that would answer this question?

I loved the phrase "soft whicking sound"...

2009-10-11T06:44:26.765-04:00
I loved the phrase "soft whicking sound" - that's beautiful.

I was as surprised as everyone at the ending. It m...

2009-10-11T01:28:20.860-04:00
I was as surprised as everyone at the ending. It made me smile. I enjoyed this story a lot.

But then it started niggling at me. It almost seems Will is just as unaware that he is not human as everyone else. I mean, why would an android need to study Calculus? That just doesn't seem to fit.
~jon

Thanks to everyone for your great comments! I'...

2009-10-10T19:20:33.681-04:00
Thanks to everyone for your great comments! I'm glad you liked the buildup and the ending.

For anyone who may have found this overly long, drawn out or offensive due to the age, gender, religious affiliation or cellular/compositional makeup of the participants, I have two comments:

1) you should have seen the first ending I had for this piece!

2) just wait until next week - it's already finished, locked and loaded. I'm taking some chances with that one, too.

Anthony: Did she know, or didn't she? A close reading of the piece gives some clues. How does she think of W? How does she refer to him? What characteristics does she ascribe to him?

Cecilia: Teenagers looking for loopholes is a pretty universal phenomenon, no? I'd hate to pin this solely on one denomination or another.

So my question is... did she know or was she just ...

2009-10-10T16:03:04.838-04:00
So my question is... did she know or was she just as surpised as the rest of us???

What a way to build suspense. Kudos for writing a ...

2009-10-09T22:10:38.470-04:00
What a way to build suspense. Kudos for writing a sex scene and taking it where I've never seen it taken before!

Great ending! She must be Catholic -- she's go...

2009-10-09T21:50:57.251-04:00
Great ending! She must be Catholic -- she's good at finding the loopholes. :)

W.I.L.L -deactivate. Nice ending! Actually, it'...

2009-10-09T16:26:47.599-04:00
W.I.L.L -deactivate. Nice ending! Actually, it's quite horrible, you know what I mean. I agree with the above, a brave piece to put up. What is a writer who doesn't take risks? Kudos.

anasazistories See? I can't even rea...

2009-10-09T13:22:31.909-04:00
anasazistories See? I can't even read your stuff without thinking there's something lurking there I can't see. Is that good? I think that's good.

I think that's good, too. ;-)

What I'd like to know from female readers is how well you portrayed the female sexual response here.

Every woman is different, of course, so it's dangerous to generalize, but any women who'd care to comment on this aspect of writing from a female POV, please feel free.

if maybe it went on a little long.

Rule #1: Don't be in such a hurry.

Add me to the list of happily surprised readers. ...

2009-10-09T12:16:31.307-04:00
Add me to the list of happily surprised readers. Great job.
~chris

Is W.I.L.L. an MFA allusion? Knowing you, I must a...

2009-10-09T11:55:23.098-04:00
Is W.I.L.L. an MFA allusion? Knowing you, I must assume so. Willpower. Will won't because Will wouldn't until Archimedes (inventor of the screw) shut him down. See? I can't even read your stuff without thinking there's something lurking there I can't see. Is that good? I think that's good.

What I'd like to know from female readers is how well you portrayed the female sexual response here. I'm just a guy. I can only assume. Seemed reasonable to me, if maybe it went on a little long. But, then, I'm not a robot.

What a build up!!! great twist at the end!

2009-10-09T10:42:33.302-04:00
What a build up!!!

great twist at the end!

Marisa: the Jesuits told us we could...

2009-10-09T10:29:01.962-04:00
Marisa: the Jesuits told us we could make a girl pregnant with deep kissing.

Emma: "You are a brave man"
Just an aspiring writer, doing what I can to make people laugh and cry. Failing that, I'm not above working for recoiling and cringing.

This is soooo good, on so many levels. You are a b...

2009-10-09T09:14:50.898-04:00
This is soooo good, on so many levels. You are a brave man, and #fridayflash favours the brave. Bravo!

Never saw that ending coming! LOL!

2009-10-09T09:07:42.953-04:00
Never saw that ending coming! LOL!

POW! Well I was amazed by the ending, too... The ...

2009-10-09T08:52:47.345-04:00
POW! Well I was amazed by the ending, too...

The nuns at school told us girls that we would get pregnant if we let a boy touch our breasts!

Comments on Landless: #FridayFlash: 4:45

What an amazing piece of writing. I could have swo...

I think you got the mind set of a brought up relig...

The Writer said: Could swear you were fe...

A week late, but I am so glad I didn't miss it...

Great building of tension and ahem climax. Fant...

I'd say the risk was worth it. Great job of bu...

Holy Crap! What an awesome ending... out of nowher...

Well, now. That was unexpected, the end of the pie...

The hugging got me. I remember when I was still a ...

Jon: Great! I'm glad the story and the ...

I loved the phrase "soft whicking sound"...

I was as surprised as everyone at the ending. It m...

Thanks to everyone for your great comments! I'...

So my question is... did she know or was she just ...

What a way to build suspense. Kudos for writing a ...

Great ending! She must be Catholic -- she's go...

W.I.L.L -deactivate. Nice ending! Actually, it'...

anasazistories See? I can't even rea...

Add me to the list of happily surprised readers. ...

Is W.I.L.L. an MFA allusion? Knowing you, I must a...

What a build up!!! great twist at the end!

Marisa: the Jesuits told us we could...

This is soooo good, on so many levels. You are a b...

Never saw that ending coming! LOL!

POW! Well I was amazed by the ending, too... The ...